Parenting is rough. Everyday I put my son’s needs in front of my own and focus almost all of my attention on him and his well being. It’s no secret, my son can be a challenge sometimes. He can be a little monkey running around screaming and jumping one minute and an angel the next.
How can I reduce all of this chaos? By becoming a more empathetic parent. Embracing empathy allows me to understand my son better, have an easier time relating to him and helping him with his struggles.
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What is empathy?
Empathy is defined as understanding what it’s like to be in another person’s shoes.
In my lawyer/educator life I’m working on a certificate course for JD students. One of the main topics is how to increase empathy in our students. Harvard Business Review defines empathy as a vital leadership skill and many business journals tout the importance of emotional intelligence and communication skills for new graduates.
Since I started working on the course, I’ve been thinking about how empathy can not only benefit us in business, but with our kids as well.
Why is empathy important in parenting?
Our lives are so busy and hectic that we aren’t always thinking about what it’s like to be in our child’s shoes. How is he feeling? Is it scary to go swimming by himself for the first time? Is he sad that his grandparents are away on a vacation?
Considering these feelings and parenting empathetically can help you improve your relationship with your child. By fostering empathy you are showing your child that he can trust you, that you’ll understand and help if he is upset. Not only does this reassure him, but it can also help with reigning in negative behavior.
This understanding will also go far as your child gets older. If you’re harsh and overly strict with your children at a young age, they won’t trust you but may fear you instead. Being scared of you won’t encourage your child to approach you for help or advice. On the other hand, when your child trusts you, he will be reassured and know that it’s ok to speak to you about any issues he may have.
Personally, I’d rather have my son be open and willing to reach out to me when he’s upset because he trusts me than have a perfectly behaved but fearful child.
How Can You Become a More Empathetic Parent?
Being a more empathetic parent means that you are able to sense how your child is feeling at a given time, as well as acting with compassion and understanding.
Here are some small and easy to implement strategies that have worked for us:
- Listen to your kids and listen actively – when your child is upset don’t get upset at him, listen to what’s bothering him. Demonstrate to him that you hear what he’s saying. One way of doing this is by repeating back to him what he’s telling you but using different language.
- Pay attention to the little things – is there a trigger that is upsetting your child? Can you get rid of it?
- Don’t trample your child’s emotions
- What does your child love to do? Try and do it more often with him
- Pay attention to what he doesn’t like as well
- Try to be present
- Check in with him every once in a while
- Try to be more patient
- Let him solve his problem on his own but be there to help
Are you working on becoming a more empathetic parent? How are you doing it?
Amber | Confessions of Parenting says
This article has enlightened me in a positive manner. Some of the things talked about never really occurred to me. Thanks for the read!
Nicole Salama says
Hi Amber so happy you found the post informative!
Wrae Sanders says
This is something I need to work on a bit more.
Nicole Salama says
Hi Wrae – absolutely I think we all need to think about how to demonstrate empathy with our kids a bit more often. It’s a challenge but it’s worth it. Take care!
Priya says
I always try to be patient with my son. I tell myself that all the mistakes he’s doing now, are learning lessons for his future. Very good advice here, felt related to most of your tips.
Nicole Salama says
Hi Priya – so glad you found the post helpful. It can be challenging for me to let my son make mistakes to learn those lessons but ultimately you’re right, he’ll be better off in the future. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Elise Cohen Ho says
I believe that this is great advice not only for parenting but for all of life.
Teresa says
Very good advice! We grandmothers need to remember these things as well. Thank you for sharing with us at Party in Your PJ’s! Pinned!
Ellen says
Great advice. I find that I’m a little more empathetic with my youngest and have a harder time with my oldest. She whines more which makes it harder for me to listen – but I’m working on it! Thanks for some extra tips. 🙂
Tracey Bowden says
This is something I could definitely do with practising a little more with my daughter. Great tips thanks #kcacols
Ali Duke says
These are some great tips. It is important to me that I have a great emotion connection with my kids.
#KCACOLS
Bri Adams says
This is a great reminder. I love the quote (not sure who) “If you don’t listen to the little things, they won’t come to you with the big things. To them they’ve always been big things.” I really try hard to listen and try to understand their feelings no matter how ridiculous they seem to me at the moment. I’m not always the best but motherhood is a work in progress!
Kelly says
Such good advice. I have a really had time with my kids. My two oldest have special needs and I’m constantly trying to understand them better.
Jenny (Accidental Hipster Mum) says
Fabulous advice, I totally agree with you! I think empathy is very important as a parent
Thank you for linking up with #KCACOLS I hope you’ll come back next time!
Emily @DomesticDeadline.com says
Great info. Thanks for linking up to #HomeMattersParty
Bridget | This Mom Life says
This is right where we are at with our 3 year old. Understanding what drives his emotion has been instrumental in changing negative behavior. We are focusing on learning alternative strategies that demonstrate our empathy and give him a strategy to cope with complex emotions. Something that works well for us has been asking him how to solve the problem and providing 2 alternative solutions. Thanks for sharing!
Leah says
With our son about to turn three and just getting into the emotional/tantrum phase, this is something we are really working on. It can be hard not to get caught up in his emotions, but I’ve found if we stay calm, it also reinforces that he has the ability to calm down. But we are also trying to be better about validating his feelings – even if what’s he’s upset about seems minor to us!
Mahesh Kumar (@TCInstituteNY) says
I totally agree with your point here! Being an empathetic person, not only helped me as a parent but also helped me improve my understanding of others. It’s a really great article. Thanks!
Chryssy | WellRoundedMom.com says
Wonderful advice. Too often we think we know better and just run with what we want. But the kids have valid feelings and views, too.
Kelly @ Hope In The Chaos says
Great post! As parents we do need to learn to listen to our children more. Sometimes they are just rying to deal with big emotions and need a little help. 😉
Laura says
Great post, with some interesting thoughts! I’m all for empathetic parenting, so I really enjoyed reading this, thanks for sharing!